老外在中国呆久了，娶了中国太太，回国后整个人不对劲了！

许多小伙伴出国后会感到不适应，遭遇该国的“文化冲击”。 可是……你听说过“逆文化冲击”吗？ 那也挺囧的……

　　所谓的“逆文化冲击” (reverse culture shock)，就是指一个人在国外呆的时间太长，渐渐适应了该国的文化和生活方式，结果回到自己国家后反而对本国的生活不适应了。

　　最近，一枚美国汉子就给我们投稿，讲述了他碰到的“逆文化冲击”的囧事。

汉子在中国生活多年，娶了中国太太，对中国的一切都挺熟悉的了。

　　结果，前几个月他一回国，事儿就来了……

　　Christopher Cottrell, US

　　Last month, I happened upon a video by a so-called comedy troupe based in Shanghai named Mamahuhu. Intrigued, I clicked on the link, hopeful to see some professional expat comedians. While Mamahuhu does produce mildly amusing content, this one - about reverse culture shock - not only fell flat, it ticked me off.

　　上个月，我偶然看到了上海一个名叫“马马虎虎”的剧团演的一个喜剧。出于好奇，我戳开了那个视频，毕竟说不定还能看到专业的老外喜剧演员嘛~ 结果呢……好吧……马马虎虎演的喜剧确实还马马虎虎，笑点也是有的，但是这个关于“逆文化冲击”的剧简直是一塌糊涂。而且！我！怒！了！

　　It would be too easy to nail it as racist for suggesting that the foreigners portrayed in the video left China with nothing but uncouth behavior learned from the locals. The problem is, it also suggests that they became idiotic and incubated.

　　要说这部剧有点种族主义色彩，那我还真没冤枉了它。你想啊，这个视频里把那些离开中国的老外们描述得既傻又跟被洗脑了似的，除了一些跟中国人东施效颦的拙劣模仿外，仿佛一无所知。

　　The short video is set primarily on a therapist's couch, where a newly returned foreigner shares his aggrieved experiences of his old life in China: from drinking in public to restaurant ordering etiquette to squatting to shouting for "the friend price."

　　这个视频的场景呢，是在一个治疗师的沙发上。一个刚从中国回去的老外吐槽着他在中国那不堪回首的经历：公共场合喝酒、吃饭点菜礼(tao)仪(lu)、亚洲蹲、喊着要“友情价”……

　　Reverse culture shock is very real; they just could have done a much better job of portraying it. For example, after dining on Guangzhou-style cooked pigeon here in China, I've never looked at these rats with wings the same. While visiting home recently, I noticed how plump and succulent all the pigeons at Disneyland looked; it got my mouth watering.

　　好吧，逆文化冲击的确存在，但他们就不能稍微展现得好一点儿？比方说哈，自从吃过了广式乳鸽之后，我就再也无法直视这些仿佛长着翅膀的小老鼠一样的生物了——这不是普通的禽类，这是人间美味啊！得了，最近回了趟家，去了趟迪士尼，看着乐园里那些肥肥嫩嫩的鸽子，我不由我想起了它们在餐桌上鲜嫩多汁的模样……啊！口水真是哗哗儿地 (¯﹃¯)

　　Speaking of plump, during that same trip I was aghast at the collective waistline of the American people. They were constantly shoving cotton candy, foot-long churros, corn dogs and giant sodas down their gullets.

　　啊对了，说到“肥”，我回国时真是被美国人民那膀大腰圆的架势给雷到了。谁叫他们专吃热量高的东西，什么棉花糖、油炸面圈、玉米热狗、碳酸饮料……胃里塞得满满的，咎由自取吗不是。

　　After years of living among a lither population (and where many rural grandparents regularly regurgitate food into the mouths of their Little Emperors) nothing sickened me more than the ever-rising obesity of my own countrymen

　　我和小朋友们相处的时间挺久的了，这些“小皇帝”们被爷爷奶奶捧在手心里，从小都是各种好吃好喝的伺候，拼命往你嘴里塞。而这次回国，看到自己国家的人越来越圆润，肥胖者越来越多，一股迷之恶心感真是油然而生……

　　Also at Disneyland, I couldn't help but wonder why nobody was holding their child over the bushes to let it all out; they could save so much time instead of standing in line at the toilet. While buying a soda, I asked the server to make sure it had ice. She looked at me like a freak and retorted icily, "Who would serve a warm Coke?"

　　在美国的迪士尼，看不到家长偷偷带着尿急的小孩子去草坪树丛之类的地方“解决”，我也觉得有点儿不适应了：为啥不这样干呢？这比去洗手间排长队要节省很多时间呢！在买汽水的时候也是，我跟服务员说“可乐一定要加冰哈”，结果人跟看智障一样的看着我：“你倒是点个热可乐啊！”

　　This sense of feeling like a fish out of water in my native land continues to exacerbate, and even abates, depending on context, over the decades.

　　是啊……这这几十年里，在自己国家不但没有如鱼得水的自由，反而有如脱水之鱼般局促而拘束。有时候，这种局促和拘束甚至还在进一步恶化。

　　In Las Vegas earlier this year, I thought all would be fine when I withdrew 100 bucks from the ATM to buy myself a 2 Live Crew concert ticket, forgetting that my account is linked directly to my Chinese wife's mobile. Not a minute later, she suddenly rang asking where I was and what I was doing with that money.

　　前几个月在拉斯维加斯，我去取款机取了100美元现金放身上，打算去买两张2 Live Crew的演唱会门票。然而我忘了……我的银行账号是和我中国太太的手机相绑定的！于是很快咯，她打电话来问我在哪，拿这些钱要干啥去啊？

　　She was livid and, no, she did not give me permission to watch Luke Skywalker and his posse perform. Which is a shame, because attending a concert of foul-mouthed, horny rappers is indeed one of the true joys of reverse culture shock. Don't get me wrong, I had fun watching Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber sing their family-friendly anthems in Shanghai, but it's refreshing to listen to something a lot, how shall we say, harder.

　　然后她超生气的！因为她不允许我去看这种“低俗”的演出啊！这真的很囧了，因为去看这种满嘴脏话的“低俗”嘻哈还真就是逆文化冲击里的一大乐事呢。别误会我，我也在上海看过霉霉和贾斯丁的演唱会，看他们唱着那些很和谐美好正能量的歌也很有趣。只是……回到自己国家，想办法听一些这种在中国不怎么能看到的演出，那感觉才是妙不可言啊！

　　I get that 2 Live Crew will never be booked in Beijing. That's fine by me, as I did not move to China to wallow in Western ways. Nor to whine and complain constantly about a language I didn't bother to learn.

　　在北京，我肯定看不到类似于2 Live Crew这类的“低俗”演出。这我倒无所谓啦，我并没有在中国了还对西方的那些生活方式念念不忘。我也不介意学中文，这没什么好抱怨的。

　　We all know that, since the global financial crisis in 2008, an entire wave of economic refugees have poured into China. Many are millennials with few job prospects in their own home countries, so they have pervaded China's educational sector as faux-teachers by day, and at night hop on to YouTube to mouth off about what they don't like about China.

　　我们都心知肚明，自08年全球金融危机后，大批“经济难民”就涌入了中国：许多人还是20来岁的小年轻，在自己国家没啥工作今年，急冲冲地来到中国，白天做着最没有门槛的“外教”（教不教得好是另一回事），晚上就去网上瞎bb的抱怨自己怎么怎么不喜欢中国，自以为很幽默。

　　It is getting tiresome, but also well-deserving of some ridicule. I hope someone with some proper comedic training makes a short, funny video about it, because I have yet to watch one.

　　这些抱怨和吐槽其实挺无趣的，但也的确有过一些好玩的笑点。我倒挺希望能有某个喜剧方面的专业人士，能把这些吐槽制作成一个好玩的视频，供大家茶余饭后一笑。毕竟迄今为止，我还没有看到过这种有点水准的视频呢。